I think things like this would be less scary if more people were willing to speak candidly about it.

I think you should be complimented. Therefore, I send you my complements!

I know many women, myself included, who would take someone like a General Petraeus with PC and all that can result from that than a so-called “healthy” man who does not have his act together.

There’s no comparison.

Also, as a RN, I want to assure you that you can have cancer and / or other health problems and still be HEALTHY. I wouldn’t have said this before becoming a nurse but it’s true. I see it all the time – people with health burdens who are, in my view, healthy. It’s HOW they live that makes the difference. So put on the pad and do what you need to do to feel good. Please understand that I’m not belittling your experience at all – it’s just that you DESERVE to be as ok as you can be right now. Don’t settle for less.

Blessings to you!

I’m a pathologist, and, like you, the son and grandson of men with prostate cancer. You and I have about a 50% chance of getting prostate cancer. Being fortunate enough to live in the US, I have almost an 80% chance of surviving it. This compares to about a 40% chance in the UK. My granddad’s cancer reflected what is approximately state of the art in the UK at present. His prostate cancer was detected at an advanced stage, and his death from it was protracted, difficult, and painful. This is the future here, too, if those who wish for it are successful in imposing it on the rest of us.

My dad’s cancer was detected through PSA screening. It was low stage, and cured by prostatectomy. He was impotent, but not incontinent. He lived for another 11 years and was quite healthy until he developed acute leukemia and died from that. That, of course, is the argument therapeutic nihilists use against the screening and treatment for cure of prostate cancer. Basically, old men get the disease and they often die of something else within a decade or two anyway. I can tell you, those 11 years with my dad meant a lot to everyone involved. He didn’t live long enough, really, to become an old man. He was healthy and vigorous right up to the time he came down with his acute leukemia. But in any case, is old age really a morally defensible reason for denying someone medical treatment?

Given the even odds you and I face regarding getting prostate cancer, I’m sure you’ve thought a lot about therapy over the years. There are many options, as you’ve probably researched for yourself. Nerve-sparing surgery (which often spares potency and continence) is great for those with low stage, low PSA, low Gleason score tumors (6 or less on needle biopsy). Prostatectomy can also work well for those with higher Gleason scores and higher PSAs, though the chances of being able to do a nerve sparing surgery go down sharply as PSA rises. Two good reasons for early detection: continence and potency. External beam radiation, implant therapy, cryoablation…the data continues to come in. I’ve been following this literature both out of personal and professional interest for more than 20 years, and it has been a great comfort to me to know that when and if the time came, it would be up to me to choose which road to go down. This freedom has been up until now one of the privileges of living in this country. The fact that there are many options to pursue is owed to our medical system too. Virtually every advance in the diagnosis and treatment of prostate cancer was made in the US, as physicians here took the disease seriously, considered treatment worthwhile, and both patients and physicians were free to pursue the course they thought best. Their choices were not circumscribed by a panel of “experts” defining “best practices” that just happen to reflect the political priorities of those who chose those who sat on that panel. Had we “progressed” to the point of having one therapeutic pathway for all chosen by a panel, the best practice would consist of waiting until someone started having symptoms from their prostate cancer, and then giving them a testicle ablating drug. Actually, the pharmacological anti-testosterone therapy would not have been developed. We’d still be cutting off testicles.

My oncologist has a motto that reads, “there’s a reason we call them PATIENts”, and that certainly applies to RP’s. You’re early in the healing process, and the fact that you’re having relative minor complications is a pretty positive sign. Give it a few months, get past the occasional drip stage, then you’ll qualify for the T-shirt I designed for the “dry-orgasm’ fraternity that reads, “surviving prostate cancer can leave you with a dry… sense of humor”. It was only later that I came up with the some what better slogan, “So Long Mister Wet Spot”.

One reason I’m posting is because I currently have a good friend who chose the radium pellet option and he now has had cancer return and cannot have an operation. It’s now just a matter of time for him and he’s enjoying life as much as possible.

I used the smallest infant diaper inside briefs and it worked well for as long as it was needed. After a while with the regular exercises described next, the leakage became very manageable. The exercise consisted of stopping the urine flow several times each time I needed to relieve myself. Apparently you’re exercising some muscles to work better even when it is not a conscious act.

After a while, I no longer needed a pad IF I was content to buy new briefs two or three times a year whenever the yellow residue became too offensive to me since no one else sees it. It’s really just a personal choice since the underwear are really clean after washing but there is color stain quicker than it was before the operation.

Back then the degree of impotence depended on the skill of the surgeon and the extent to cancer. A few maintained potency but most did not. I happened to be one who became impotent but retained the feeling of climax without an erection. No semen but an occasional thrill if one gets bored.

Neither I nor my wife has any regrets about our decision. I call it our decision because I felt the need to have my wife participate in the decision but we both knew that it was ultimately my decision. I hope this might be helpful to those facing this decision.

Hang in there. It will get better!

Good luck.

You make things human and the book is great.Get to Cardiff!!